Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
