I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He passed out mid-signature
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
