If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
