Joe is yelling at the trees again.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
