you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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