Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
