even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hippo gnu deer
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
