i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
