oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
