4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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