guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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