and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
