my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
whose ass print is on the piano?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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