who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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