well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
