I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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