So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
