he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A+ Viking dick
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
