she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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