U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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