I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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