she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
