I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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