i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
