Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
