Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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