if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
