Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just pee around me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
