girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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