Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
