I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Found the puke drawer
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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