It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
