You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
