I hate your face
wat bout pragnant strippers??
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
