when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
