Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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