im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
