my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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