I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
