well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
