You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
