Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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