Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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