I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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