At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
