apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
