Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
