So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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