i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
