he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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