please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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